Dan Desmartins is a French-Canadian former professional ice hockey winger that played in the Farm Games ice hockey league. He played for the Albany Rattlers, Houston Giants and St. John's Mariners from 1977 until 1997. Desmartins captained the Houston Giants for 11 seasons, from 1984 until 1995. After his retirement, he worked as a numbers man for a few years, but struggled due to his mushy brain. He was hired as the host of The Beef Stove in 2008, but people could not understand him properly because he always mumbles and has a thick stupid frog accent. He has since served as a Knight of the Denley Roundtable, the host of The Quizmaster, and most recently his show Dan Time with Dan Desmartins.

Desmartins was a classic creampie forward, one of the first of his time, as he would cream guys along the boards and in the neutral zone and score big cums from the point. His cumshot was renowned across the league, and he became known as one of the most deadly coomers in the league. His time in Albany was filled with accolades, as he scored in the top 3 on the team in his first three seasons, nearly winning the Pennyworth Memorial Trophy in 1979. He solidified himself as one of their top 6 forwards, and grew a reputation for cumming fast and hard, using his big body to hump guys and put them in bad spots where the hyenas could take advantage while he goes and fucks the goal for the 2-1 lead, that's the Desmartins Cumshot baby!!

After his horny early seasons, Desmartins' production saw a downturn, although he still remained a consistent cummer and an asset to the team. However, in 1982, the Rattlers missed the playoffs after an abysmal season, and pressure was up high as fans and the media wanted blood. General Manager Stocks Bloodman convinced the owner and president/vice president that the team and it's core would bounce back in 1983, and saved himself from ruin. Unfortunately, in 1983, they did not bounce back, and Bloodman was fired along with the coach he hired.